by Majella Kelly

She spent her adolescence mesmerising herrings 

in Glengarriff and wooing summer tourists 

on the Blue Pool Ferry to Garinish Island 

by posing cutely on a barnacle-clad skerry.

Then, one day, the ferryman bought her an iPhone, 

a selfie stick and a bluetooth remote—all 

of them fully waterproof and flipper compatible.

The selfies went viral and the local economy thrived. 

But soon the ocean wasn't enough. Addicted

to celebrity, she swapped eel grass and bladder-

wrack for a used PVC onesie, nipple tassels 

and some dance lessons, and moved to a bijou flat 

in the city, overlooking the river. Every ninth night, 

she unzips herself from her sealskin, puts on 

lipstick, clips on ears, tucks webbed hands 

into leather gloves and webbed feet into killer heels.