Mary Crilly, founding member and CEO of the Sexual Violence Centre Cork

Mary Crilly can remember attending performances of The Vagina Monologues in the august surroundings of the Aula Maxima in UCC and surveying the portraits of men that lined the walls. “I would be looking up at the men, thinking, hey, are you listening?”  

Mary has never shied away from asking difficult questions throughout her years of campaigning and supporting those who have experienced sexual violence. When she helped establish the Cork Rape Crisis Centre in 1983, Ireland was a harsh and judgmental place to be a woman. Contraception was still difficult to access, marital rape was not recognised as a crime, and even the concept of sexual violence was treated with disdain. Mary had moved to Cork from her native Dublin in 1977 and after a short-lived marriage, found herself on her own with two daughters. It was an isolating and uncertain time and when she was asked by a neighbour if she would be interested in joining a group to start a rape crisis centre, she hesitated, thinking she would not be up to the task. However, when she began attending meetings, she found her calling as an activist and campaigner.  

Since then, Mary has been instrumental in providing a range of confidential and free services to survivors of rape, sexual assault and child sexual abuse. She has steered what is now called the Sexual Violence Centre across five decades, from its initial incarnation in a room above the Quay Co-Op to its current premises on Camden Quay. “Thinking back on the first seven or eight years, the word I would use is lonely. It was a very lonely place to be. I didn’t really know what I was doing, but I remember being adamant that wherever was happening, this place was going to keep going.” 

Mary’s feminism was ingrained early on when she saw the inequality faced by women. Her mother wasn’t educated beyond primary school, as secondary school education was only available to those with the means to pay for it. Mary’s father died of TB when she was only 10 years old, and her mother, having lost one child, was left with four children to bring up on her own. 

“She was working two jobs, in a bakery and cleaning. I had two older brothers but I remember seeing the way the boys were treated compared to the way we were treated. I don't think my mother meant it, I have huge admiration and compassion for her, but I really thought, 'this isn't right, this isn't fair’.” 

Mary has faced many challenges in her work, from funding issues and institutional opposition to threats and aggression, but she has met them head on, seeing opportunity in adversity. When the centre changed its name from the Cork Rape Crisis Centre to the Sexual Violence Centre, she worried that she was departing from her feminist principles but the change opened up a whole new and welcome conversation. “It was a big shake-up because it was originally about safety for women. But I'd also met somebody who said to me, 'I didn’t know my brother could come in’.” Now, 15% to 20% of the centre’s clients are male.  

Mary’s willingness and openness to see what issues are emerging and what needs addressing has been key to the survival of the Sexual Violence Centre. As her partner and fellow campaigner Dola Twomey says: “For an organisation that in lifetime terms should be very staid and solid, like an old river, she has maintained that early sense of an organisation with a quick response.”  

Mary was awarded an honorary doctorate at UCC in 2023, which she cites as “amazing” for someone who returned to education at 50 years old. After gaining a diploma in the Psychology of Criminal Behaviour at UCC, she went on to complete a master’s degree in Women’s Studies. She says her time as a mature student was hugely rewarding. She revels in the company of young people, which she finds energising. One of the centre’s recent initiatives has been the hugely successful ‘Safe Gigs’ campaign, which aims to make gigs and nightlife safer by creating a zero tolerance environment for sexual violence. Along with the many young volunteers, Mary has attended gigs and festivals around the country raising awareness of the campaign; she says Longitude is her favourite. 

Much has changed for the better in the 40 or so years that Mary has been campaigning, especially in terms of co-operation from the gardaí; a world away from the early years of the Rape Crisis Centre when it was raided by the Special Branch. She continues to push for policy and legislative change, for example, working with Senator Eileen Flynn to replace the term ‘child pornography’ with ‘child sexual abuse material’ in legislation. But she says much work remains to be done in how victims of rape and sexual assault are treated in an adversarial legal system. She wants her legacy to be an end to victim blaming which “comes from everywhere”. There are also the spectres of human trafficking, spiking and stalking to contend with.  

For Mary, switching off mainly involves catching up on admin when she goes home in the evening. She also enjoys spending time with her three grandchildren, two of whom live in Norway. When she was diagnosed with bowel cancer several years ago, she says the assumption was that she would reevaluate her work-life balance and take a step back. “But I get energised by seeing changes. I get frustrated as well when I think things are moving slowly.” 

In 2022, Mary was awarded the Freedom of Cork City “in recognition of her unstinting support and advocacy for survivors of sexual violence over four decades”. It was a proud moment, even if she admits to being hesitant about acknowledging that she was actually a Dub. While the accolades are welcome, what matters most are the people she encounters in her work: “It’s seeing somebody getting their life back — when I see a young girl with her boyfriend, having said she didn’t think she would ever be able to have a relationship; a woman telling me she was able to let her daughter go to a concert, where previously she wouldn't even let her out the door, because she had been raped when she was a teenager. That's really what it is all about.”