St Stephen's Day Newsletter 2000

This is the St. Stephens' Day newsletter, with it we can remember all the scandal this year so far....

It all began preseason with the trip to Galway and unfortunately this was not shared by all. Basically this was a weekend in Galway consisting of a mixed team of veterans/regulars/N.K.O.T.B collectively called "Hootersville" - nice! Apart from general drinking and binge-like consumption of alcohol, there was actually some hockey played, with Hootersville reaching the final of some randomly organised tournament. All UCC's 4 goals came from Jim Butler who for the whole weekend bitched and moaned about the soreness of his neck*. Many trips were taken to the infamous Supermacs where chicken burgers were devoured, not necessarily enjoyed, but eaten none the less. One important member of the club was introduced in Galway. Who I hear you ask in awe, and I reveal the one and only "shooter". This magical device returns on another night just after the varsities.

*This statement is harsh but fair.

Varsities week, a quite spectacular week indeed, began as most UCC hockey stuff does in the Western Star. After much complications everyone headed for Limerick. As so many things happened during this week there can be but a summary with a bit of hockey thrown in for good measure. On Monday night in Limerick no Supermacs was availed of but instead the options strangely enough were pizza or spuds. The lads who opted for pizza had the pleasure of meeting a random Limerick knacker (not Phil Oakley) who didn't seem to like them very much. Luckily they got away without a kicking which was subtly being arranged outside the pizza place via the mobile phone of the RLK. Bowling and pool rounded off the night. Tuesday saw the first matches for UCC lads and chicks yielding mixed results.

Bring on the evening entertainment..."It is now time to vote off the weakest link...but will they follow the statistics?...you are the weakest link, goodbye!" -so much humour from a bitch named Anne Robinson. (Damien is quite class at this impersonation)

Next day,ie. Wednesday was memorable for one thing- "Who put Trinners out...college...college...who put Trinners out?...UCC" (both lads and girls -woohoo!)

Thursday saw an end to the lads campaign via Queens and the shocking umpire a.k.a. "the bearded idiot", but no bitterness or abuse was shown, isn't that right Eoinzy! Bring on the drinking, ie. on the mound in UL while watching the girls in the final go to flicks, no doubt that they would lose and of course they didn't. One non-bearded idiot (no hints but think lads club captain) sacrilegiously broke a bottle of sambuka in his bag - oh the shame, but it was ok because the one they call Ronan "alcopop" Enright managed to suck the sambuka from the gloves which had soaked it up-respec'! Then naughty boys Phil and Squire had a roly poly sesh down the side of the mound - hilarious I must admit. Back to the bar in Jurys for a few. Michelle's ickle one was there but I can't remember his name (maybe she can help me out on that one,eh?) Oh yes, and to be subtle about it Vinny puked in Baz's room (there are photos).

Begin banquet and the following in no random order:

Drink; munch; speeches; dancing/random swaying; headbutting (yes Andy T that means you); exchanging ties; chucking out by bouncers (putting Curtains to some peoples night); biting of Jer's arm**; emotional moments between Eoinzy and Jim - aaawwwwww!; the use of the word "easy"***; the quote of the night, Damien to John Rose: "You are my Irish father"; and of course scoring****

**you know who you are

*** (certain 1sts fresher + Kinky) easy + (c.1sts.f. + Jeremy) eeaasssy + (c.1sts.f. + Squire) = "LOU-EASY"

**** teacher w/small blonde 5ths chick; s.b.5ths.chick w/1sts right back (Sweet.. bloke); (see *** above)

Here's a bit just to clear up all the things in Jury's after the banquet:

Yes Sambuka was had by all in the lobby

NO Elmer would never try to hide loads of people in room 213 and lie to the random staff member

Yes the lads did force Eoinzy into the lobby wearing only his boxers and a t-shirt while brushing his teeth and then lower his boxers for him

No they didn't stick around

Yes Sue Delaney and Aoife McCarthy tried to steal the plate from the Trinners girls at around 4:30 am in the lobby

No they probably don't remember

Yes Gally and Gav had WWF style bout in the corridor of the fifth floor

No Gav did not win

Yes Monty had his socks on...

No nobody else was that lucky

Yes the random cleaning lady trying to get on the lift was the weakest link

No we didn't go to the star after leaving Limerick (this last statement is totally false and was only used to keep up the whole yes/no thing

A legendary night was had by all in the Star.Our good old friend the shooter returned allowing us to inject ourselves with a bottle of smirnoff ice in approx. 0.1 seconds

(Government warning: this is an evil and twisted blue and yellow device which may kill you especially if used with a pint bottle of Bulmers, isn't >that right Ronan)

Dancing on the tables, Sambuka rounds and a badly performed rendition of the "la,la,la..." club song preceeded fx. Random madness and scoring then continued. A certain 1sts lads captain (can't be naming names now can we) scored ever so briefly with one of the 3rds lads coaches (Lisa wasn't out by the way). This coach then got busy with another 1sts member (who supports ranJERs)

One of the three Orla/Orlaith's out that night entertained a dodgy kneed 2nds/3rds player after she made acquaintances with 1sts player fresher (who drinks from a baby's bottle).This fresher them proceeded to pay lip service to a 4ths chick (who for the record has not been with Gav about 512 times, no really!)

A trip to the hospital came courtesy of the one and only Ms S. D... after she lost a fight with the floor of FX leaving a "squash ball sized lump", this info is from the only witness (drunker than SD at the time) E. Curtin.

>In the many events following the varsities random scoring has become one with the actual playing hockey part of the club. Living up to varsities was to be a tough task ahead but with many events to come the club is giving it's all!

Both the lads and the chicks have availed of Arthurs as a nice cosy spot for drinking games and good craic before an obvious trip to the star and a taxi ride to Fast Eddies or the best club in Cork, FX.

The 3rds lads team (who are on top of the league at the moment and the only undefeated team in the club so far this season, touch wood) had a memorable night out in the Morgue after which a nurses party was attended in Fast Eddies. Rumour has it that their vice captain (unnamed) scored with random nurse and got kicked out of random nurse at 7am to wander the streets cold and lonely with nowhere to go. Rumour also has it that he snuck into the mini in college and slept in the toilet for 2 hours and another 2 on Q+2 when the library opened. This person also scored with a certain 3rds centre forward's sister (the one involved in the earlier hospital incident)-sorry Der!

Many of you (the usual suspects) will remember the club dinner in Garyduff which was a very enjoyable night indeed except for Phil being a bitch arranging all the chairs neatly and making people sit at certain tables(organised is so much better than random, thanks Phil). A session of "La La La..." was had in the hallway courtesy of Eamon Dwyer on the piano and the harmonic voices of many lads and lassies-which was nice!

The 1sts lads took a recent trip north to Belfast to face N.I.C.S. (this was Willy's last game for the club but everyone's invited to stay in his house in Spain if we want) (Andy Barber got left behind and missed the train-harsh but fair Andy, should have believed Sylvia). Unfortunately they lost on flicks. Ah well they made up for it by doing 100+ shots of beer on the train on the way down and stumbled onto the platform in Cork. Coach John Rose supposedly set a club record of 2 whiskeys and a pint of Guinness somewhere on the trip back. Somehow they managed to all get into the back of an An Post van with all their gear for a lift to FX making it worth the drivers while-now that's first class delivery. A certain drinking from baby's bottle fresher got left behind and did a Gally on it by sleeping in the toilet of the train station and was rudely awakened a few hours later and instructed towards town. He had a bit of trouble in the taxi rank (puking just before entering a taxi is never a favourite of the cabbies) and he had to run to town. He was met by the lads outside FX not really remembering how he got there!

It wouldn't be right not to mention Sylvia, so three cheers to one of the clubs best assets in more than one way.

A little epilogue to this tale of madness leads me to say that an ingenious idea of club fines an a ridiculous amount of free beer has meant that drink and good times so far this year have been plentiful and quite enjoyable. May tonight be no different!

GALLY.

PS EEEAAAASSSSSY.............COMPLICATED!!!